I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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