I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
