and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
