break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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