wakey wakey hands off snakey
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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