Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
