My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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