i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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