I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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