so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
