i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up under a house in Key West
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