Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
