Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
