Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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