Your dad touched me again.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
