I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ketchup is God's man juice
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
