Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
