Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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