For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
