you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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