You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Enjoy the penises
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
