He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
