tell your sister to shave her snatch
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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