we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
