you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
