Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
he's single and there are thong briefs.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
