my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
