They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
