Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
