she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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