I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
