Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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