so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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