I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
