last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
