I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
