why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
