Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
