my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
