That's intense
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
