I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Randomize
