I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
