hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
