three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
