so explain again why im purple
no
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
