My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I believe in your delicious
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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