I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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