then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
