what day is it and did you see me today?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm like, not good at living.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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