Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
