I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
