another moral hangover. fuck.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
