Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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