Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
