I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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