I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Two words: nipple clamps
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